Still Having Fun

I was feeling pretty low earlier this week, but an awesome Rally class was just what we needed to get back on track.

Abby did awesome in class today. She learned two new exercises and we got to practice something that we haven't worked on in MONTHS! She did pretty good on her heeling off leash again. We were the last ones to run and some of the other class mates had started packing up and making noise, and while Abby was spooked, she kept working. I am actually quite surprised that she does so well off leash in that environment. But she picks things up fast, and once she knows what I want from her, its game on! We also have a bunch of homework this week. Its a bit sad that I am so excited about homework, but we really needed something new to work on. Both Abby and I were getting bored. . .

I am going to try not to get too sad about agility. Abby still has so much potential and we still have so far that we can go. I actually think that she likes Rally better because she gets to work closer to me and gets rewarded more frequently. I am going to try to look at the positive side of this. . .and I'm going to look for another sport to try. . . there has got to be something fun for old dogs to do!

Looking Ahead

First let me say that I am not getting another dog any time soon. But that hasn't stopped me from thinking about one in the future.

I have never chosen a dog, well not for me anyway. I have chosen a lot of dogs for other people. . . but that is a very different thing. All of my dogs became my dogs for various reasons but none were for a specific purpose. My next dog will be for a specific purpose: agility, obedience, and. . .??? The possibilities are endless.

I thought that it would be easy to choose a dog, but there is a lot to think about and the first is breed. I know that I need a dog that is physically capable of handling the routine. I also need a dog that is going to be able to mentally handle my life - and by that I mean people, other dogs, cats, children, traveling, etc. I know that I don't want a dog with a lot of hair or one that is going to require grooming. Even with those specific requirements, there are still a lot of great breed prospects. And once I settle on a breed, I then have to decide if I want to rescue or purchase a puppy. There are benefits and drawbacks to both.

I am giving myself roughly two years to sort this all out. I figure it will take about that long to talk to enough people, meet enough dogs, and purchase a bigger car. Plus, it's going to take me at least that long to talk pocket into it.

Depression Sets In

I'm officially depressed. I was sad about no more agility before, but now I am officially depressed about it. I am strongly tempted to crawl in bed for the next 5 years. And the more I go about my life, the more depressed I get.

I don't think that normal people really understand how devastating this is. I have tried to explain it to some (ie: imagine if you couldn't play video games, or if you couldn't take pictures) This is my way to disconnect from my job and from other suppressors in my life. This is a way for me to bond with my dog and to have a great time. I read books, follow blogs, talk to trainers about agility. This isn't just a sport that I do with my dog, this is a whole sub-set of my social structure!

A friend asked me earlier how Abby was doing and I said that she is fine! SHE has no idea that there is anything wrong. She enjoys agility, but she has a pretty great life otherwise so I doubt that she will be heart-broken over it. I imagine that if I took her to an agility field and didn't let her do anything that she would get frustrated, but I don't think that she thinks about it regularly.

I know that Abby and I still have a lot of things that we can do together, and I am looking forward to all of that. But there was so much more that we could have accomplished in this area and I am sad that we will never get the chance. And I am sad that this part of my life is over for the time being. And I can see why some of these people have so many dogs - when there is always a dog ready to compete, you never have to give it up.

Despite my depression over it, I am still glad that we tried it. So many people told me that I wouldn't be able to do with Abby any of the things that we have done so far. But we did. And we didn't do it with a perfectly bred, perfectly socialized dog. We spent the time and did the work and got past so many fears and we did what so many normal dogs before us have done - we did agility.

Chunk By Chunk

My grandfather said that a few years ago he started falling apart piece by piece. Now is he falling apart chunk by chunk.

So it seems with Abby.

Abby has been weird lately when it comes to agility. She was refusing her favorite obstacles and has been even slower than normal. Despite my belief that she was just being Abby, it turns out that there are some (more) things wrong with her. On top of her seizures, and her kidney issues, we now have heart murmur, arthritis, and degenerative disc disease to add to the list. I never believed that Abby would be a long-lived dog, but I didn't think that she would fall apart this young either.

When I first saw those X-rays a part of me was relieved. All this recent behavior is not mental. But once I made that realization, my heart sank. It isn't mental, it's physical. This won't get better. We can't train through this. This is permanent. We can no longer do agility.

I never thought that Abby would win titles, but I hoped that we would be able to train and trial and have a ton of fun for years before we retired. But we have to stop now. And it really depresses me. We have spent a whole year doing this. Countless hours training, countless $$ spent, countless hours driving. . . and we don't really have anything to show for it.

Ok, I know that's not entirely true. We learned a lot and Abby has a ton of confidence (a ton considering where she started) but right now I just want to be sad that we have to give up something that we both loved doing.

Father's Day with My Old Man

I've always called Mole my old man - even before he was old. . . He just has an old soul. And now that he really is old, we can't do the things that we used to do together. It's sad, and I miss his company on those outings. Lately it's been Abby and I going here, there, and everywhere, and I know that he really wishes that he could go with us. Sometimes he does, but mostly he can't.

Today, I decided to spend some quality time with my old man. I was trying to figure out what to do because we can't really walk too far. He doesn't really like to sit and do nothing for extended periods of time either. Abby had class later, so we couldn't really do anything too time consuming. I decided that we would go and have breakfast. It sounds kinda silly when I say it like that, but we both had a really great time.

I looked on Yelp for some breakfast places that had outdoor seating and came across the Blackberry Bistro. It was close, had good reviews, was in a neighborhood that I knew, so off we went. I was careful to pick a parking space close, but not too close so that we could get in a tiny walk (two blocks). We had a 10 minute wait, but that was better than I was expecting at 11am on Father's day. I thought our table was fine, but Mole thought he hit the mother-load! There must have been kids sitting at our table before because there were cheerios all over the ground. He had a blast cleaning up. I choose to wait and eat the food that was brought to me on a plate - eggs, potatoes, cheese roll, and. . . bacon!



Guess who ate the bacon:


He was such a good boy the entire time. He is actually the perfect eating companion because he doesn't want to be on my lap, and he is happy eating whatever I hand him. We both had a really good time and I am planning on doing this more often.

Building Drive

Abby has been SUPER pokey during agility training. I have no idea what is going on, and because it's Abby, it could be nothing, or it could be everything. And since she still seems to want to do obedience and go out for runs, I am assuming that she is physically fine. She just has no drive for agility right now. . .

As much as I love Abby and as fun as she can be to work at times, she can also be as equally frustrating. Part of the frustration comes because she seems to be fine one week, then is completely off the next. That is part of the reason we are keeping the journal - to hopefully figure out what I'm missing. Right now, she has no drive, but is still completing the courses. Its very strange.

I'm trying to do some research and I am asking everyone I can think of to ask. . . but as of tonight, I have no answers, just frustration. I'm being very careful not to let on how I feel, and am throwing big parties whenever she does anything. . . but it hasn't helped.

Despite my frustrations, I still really enjoy working with Abby and I think that she really enjoys working with me. We have formed a true team in the past few months and it has really strengthened our bond. And I know that once we figure this whole thing out that we will be that much better together. . . And I know that I will have that many more tips and tricks in working with other dogs. . . but right now, I just wish that we could go out there and run a course like we used to when we first started.

Panzanella Salad

My summer goal this year is to cook one new dish a week. Last week I made a really awesome home-made polenta dish with sauteed mushrooms and spinach. I wish that I took pictures because it was an awesome dish. . .

This week: Panzanella Salad (bread salad)

The ingredients are simple and can change a bit from person to person depending on what they like to eat. Mine consisted of cucumbers, tomatoes, red onions, blue cheese, mix green lettuce and bread. The dressing is a simple olive oil and balsamic vinaigrette. The bread is supposed to be day-old, but I didn't plan that far ahead, so I just baked mine a bit longer. I also added the blue cheese and the cherry tomatoes to the bread in the oven.



The food was delicious. The wine I chose to go with it. . .bleh. ..

I chose an Old Vine Zin made by a vintner I'd never heard of before - Haraszth. Its from Lodi and is a 2008. I tried to get some information about this wine/vintner, but I didn't find a whole lot of info. . . The wine itself has no real flavor. Part of it might be due to my allergies and not being able to smell properly, but I don't think that is all of it. The one good thing I can say about that wine was that it didn't detract anything from my meal. . .

The Reading Chair

I made the long weekend extra long and spent some time visiting relatives on the east coast. Unfortunately I did not have as good a time as I hoped because I spent most of it in the hospital visiting my grandfather. Since only so many people are allowed at one time, I spent a good portion of my vacation reading a book in tiny, uncomfortable hospital chairs. The entire time I was day dreaming about my old reading chair and vowed to figure out a way to get it back into my life!

Skip ahead a week, lots of pushing, shoving, door removing, and voila! Reading chair parked comfortably (albeit tightly) into my room. I was looking forward to reading in it when all of a sudden, Mole remembered how comfortable the reading chair was and hopped in.


After some time, Abby decided that she wanted to try the reading chair


Then, before I knew it, pocket joined the group


And as you can see, there was no room left for me. . . I was left reading on the floor with Eddie. . . But it was as great book, so I didn't complain too much. If you have never read Water for Elephants - READ IT. It is a great, and easy read. . . and with days like I've had lately, an easy read is necessary!

Training Log

Yesterday I decided to start a training log for Abby.

Most serious trainers use training logs, and we aren't that serious about all of this. But after Abby's A-frame fiasco, I started thinking that a training log might be more helpful in working with/through her issues.

I write a lot of stuff about Abby on this blog, but I don't write down the details of exactly what she did, how she did it, and how she felt doing it. I also didn't keep track of where we were and what the weather was like, and how I am feeling that day. I am not sure if real trainers keep track of all that minutia, but since Abby's fears are based on seemingly tiny things, I think that the more I keep track of, the better I will be at handling her.

I have learned so much more about training dogs since Abby came into my life, but I still feel that I have a lot to learn in training Abby. Everyday that we work together I feel that we are becoming more and more of a team, but I always know that I am the bigger part of that team, despite the fact that Abby is doing the actual work! If I am not motivating her, and if I am not up-beat enough, Abby will shut down. That is no fun for her, and it makes me feel like a bad mom. But I think that we are finally starting to find our groove in training, and I think that the log will help us polish up some things. I still think that she has a lot of potential.

I Should Write A Book

I have been on vacation for a week out of state.

That is a whole week away from Abby.

A whole week away from training of any kind.

A whole week away from exercise.

Tonight, Abby took the A- frame.

Tonight, Abby (almost) off-coursed and took the A-frame.

This whole no-training training really works!

I really should write a book about it. . .