And Here We Are Again

It's the end of one year and the beginning of another. This time of year always brings a lot of hope and a little bit of sadness. I read a great quote about New Years by Bill Vaughan: An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. I feel like a little bit of both this year. 2010 was filled with a lot of downs, and only a few ups, but those ups were pretty amazing. I'm a little worried about what 2011 will bring, but I am still hopeful that it will be better than 2010.

People all over the place are writing down their new years resolutions. Some include exercise, eating better, spending less $$; but among my circle of friends the resolutions come more in the form of training goals. Goals that they will try and achieve with their dogs - these are also known as titles. Earlier in the year, I blogged about titles and that we (meaning Abby and I) don't need titles to show the depth of our training or our relationship, but this year might bring one. And I will be proud of the both of us if we get one.

But my actual goals for 2011 don't include titles. There is no training plan laid out. I'm not even sure what phase of training we are in on our old plan - phase 5 maybe??? My only real plan for 2011 is to hang out with my dogs more. I know that seems silly as all I seem to do is hang out with my dogs; but most of our time spent together in 2010 was spent driving to classes, or trials, or fun matches, or to hiking/training spots. I don't want to drive so much with my kids this year. I want to enjoy our time together doing the little things that they love to do - walk around the block, have breakfast at a cafe, go to the beach, sit in the reading chair, etc. As my kids continue to get older, I want to ensure that they are having the best time possible. And if that means fewer classes and more vacations, then so be it. Or maybe, more sick calls into work and more day trips! Regardless of how it eventually works out, I want us to be having a great time for as much as we can of 2011. And my goal for myself is to take as many photos as possible. Ideally, we would have one awesome family photo, but even if we only end up with a few out takes, that would be ok too.

For now, we say good bye to 2010 and all the tears (both of joy and sorrow) that it brought. But I think that Brooks Atkinson said it best, Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.

Ok, So I Lied. . .

A few posts ago I said that I needed a break from dogs, and that we were going to take a break from training. I was hoping that the training break would last until January... I had a feeling that it wouldn't, but I was still hopeful. All sings were pointing to a nice long break until our rally instructor said that Abby would be ready to move up to level 3 for the next set of classes.

Normally, this would have made me very happy and proud. A few months ago, I fully believed that Abby would be in level 1 for the rest of her life. I truly thought that I would never be able to ask her to do all of these exercises and do them off leash. But, Abby proved me wrong, as she continues to excel at this odd little sport. I am very proud of her, but now I have to start training again!

Most of the level 3 exercises are built off level 2. Some are new to level 3, but not new to Abby - we just haven't practiced them in awhile. But there is one new exercise that I knew was coming, but I had since chosen to ignore: the retrieve. Ack! Abby can't retrieve! How in the world am I supposed to teach Abby to retrieve? Sure, there was a time when Abby couldn't do an A-frame, or a tunnel, but those were different! This is a retrieve!

So, now our *vacation* from training is now a super intensive retrieve training. Luckily for me, a wonderful trainer is teaching her dog to fetch (aka, retrieve), and she is posting videos on her blog. Her dog started out a lot farther along than Abby. Right now, we are just C&T for a touch on her absolutely awesome new retrieve toy:


I was trying to find something plushy and small enough for her to carry. I also wanted something that squeaked as she *sometimes* gets excited about squeaky noises. When I saw this, I knew it was made especially for us. I know it is technically a Christmas item, but Abby is naughty all year long, so I figured it was ok.

Hysterical Fun

Christmas Present: Family Foto Outtakes

ummm. . .this isn't going to be easy:


Well, at least we got everyone's head in:


Looks like Mole and Abby are trying to tell me something:


Let's try a different set up:


Pocket obviously hates this pose:



well, we still have a few weeks left before Christmas. We have plenty of time for more family photo fun.

Christmas Past

Pocket decided to help light the tree up with her alien eyes.

Working with Sean Connery

I have been working with Sean Connery for the past 10 weeks or so. Sometimes it's heaven, and sometimes he annoys the sh*t out of me. I can't help it, I love him, but sometimes he can be so demanding! I guess it's to be expected though. . .

If you know me at all, you can probably guess that Sean is an animal. A cat. A RAGDOLL cat. The most purrfect cat ever. He gets along great with my feral office cat and with my kids. In fact, I believe he thinks he is one of my kids. When pocket stays home, he takes her place in the dog bed line up.



I'm kinda in love with him.

What I am most Thankful for

My Experiment



My snuggler



The love of my life




Each of my kids teaches me something new about life everyday. I couldn't imagine my life without any of them.

Wordless Wednesday: I love my mommy

So Worried For Nothing

There have been many times in my life when I was worried for something that, looking back seemed so trivial. I would would get anxious, nervous, feel like I can't move, then the queasiness begins. After the ordeal was over, I realized that I had nothing to be worried about and felt foolish for getting so worked up.

This past Sunday in class was one of those scenarios. Our instructor thought that it would be a great idea to do a distracted heeling exercise through a crowd of people and their dogs. When she first mentioned this exercise I thought for sure she would have us sit this one out. Imagine my horror when she said that we were going to be the first ones!

I managed to stand up, but couldn't get myself to move. I honestly couldn't figure out a way to make this a successful exercise for Abby. I must have looked sick because she asked me what was wrong. I told her I was feeling a lot of anxiety because heeling through people and dogs is almost impossible for Abby. She recommended that we heel along the outside of the group - we ran. That was the only thing I could think of that would keep Abby happy and not stress her out for the rest of the hour.

After the heeling exercise we took our turn in the group and people heeled around us. I knew that Abby could handle this as she has pretty good stays and has amazing focus when I ask her to. But I knew that our time was coming around again and the anxiety was sticking around. But having had a few minutes to see different scenarios, I was able to come up with a plan for Abby to actually go through the people. Given Abby's great focus on the stay part of the exercise, I figured that she might do ok - meaning, she might not panic - heeling through the same dogs that heeled through us. I figured that I would give it a try and if it failed miserably, at least I would know for the next time.

I got Abby amped up, I set us up, and asked her to heel. As we started getting closer to the group, I thought she might loose focus, but she didn't! She heeled right through those people and had a great time! I was so proud of her and she seemed to be quite happy with herself too. Everyone clapped and I think that everyone was just as happy to see her do that as I was. It was very rewarding to see her accomplish something that has been so difficult for us in the past. I felt silly for being so anxious over nothing!

If I Didn't Have A Dog

A friend forwarded this to me via email, but I don't generally like to forward forwards as some people don't like it. But I found this too funny not to share:

IF I DIDN'T HAVE A DOG

I could walk around the yard barefoot in safety.

My house could be carpeted instead of tiled and laminated.

All flat surfaces, clothing, furniture, and cars would be free of hair.

When the doorbell rings, it wouldn't sound like a kennel.

When the doorbell rings, I could get to the door without wading through fuzzy bodies who beat me there.

I could sit on the couch and my bed the way I wanted, with out taking into consideration how much space several fur bodies would need to get comfortable.

I would have money, and no guilt to go on a real vacation.

I would not be on a first-name basis with 6 veterinarians, as I put their yet unborn grand-kids through college.

The most used words in my vocabulary would not be: out, sit, down, come, no, stay, and leave it ALONE.

My house would not be cordoned off into zones with baby gates or barriers.

I would not talk 'baby talk'. 'Eat your din'. 'Yummy yummy for the tummy'...

My house would not look like a day care center, toys everywhere.

My pockets would not contain things like poop bags, treats and an extra leash.

I would no longer have to spell the words B-A-L-L,, W-A-L-K,, T-R-E-A-T,, O-U-T,, G-O,, R-I-D-E,, C-O-O-K-I-E

I would not have as many leaves INSIDE my house as outside.

I would not look strangely at people who think having ONE dog/cat ties them down too much.

I'd look forward to spring and the rainy season instead of dreading 'mud' season.

I would not have to answer the question 'Why do you have so many animals?' from people who will never have the joy in their lives of knowing they are loved unconditionally by someone as close to an ANGEL as they will ever get.

How EMPTY my life would be!!!

We're SO Boring Now!

I've almost completely stopped training Abby. I read this on another blogger's blog, and in some ways, it seems fitting:

EXCUSES
I cannot train my dog today,
the sky is overcast and gray,
the air's too damp, I've got a cramp,
and the dog's just eaten anyway.

Can't find the leash, got home too late,
I'm due somewhere tonight at eight.
I've got a rash, a gash and bumps,
Too tired now to get the jumps.

Traffic's made me tense and strained,
I have to lose this weight I've gained.
How can we work when it's just rained?

The dog's too hyper, my mood is blue,
I must be coming down with the flu,
I cough, I sneeze and wheeze and choke,
Darn! My only dumbbell broke!

Too cold outside - my feet are numb.
There's a sliver in my thumb.
The house needs cleaning, it's a sight.
I have to work overtime tonight.

I had a nap. Had company.
Lawrence Welk is on TV.
My toe is sore - it might be gout,
I think my hair is falling out.

I ate too much. My day's been rough.
I think my dog has had enough
Of this daily training grind,
we need some time off to unwind.

Author Unknown

It's been awhile since I've diligently trained Abby. I've come up with a hundred and one reasons not to: it's getting dark early, it's too cold, it rained again, it upsets the other dogs, I worked too late, etc. Reading that poem really cracked me up because I think that I have used every one of those recently. But the truth is that I just needed a break. Life has been crazy/hectic/stressful lately and something had to give. I figured that it was the kid's turn to take the back seat for awhile (both figuratively and literally)

For most of the year, my life revolves around dogs. If it's not my own, then it's a friend's or work's. I'm either driving to training classes, or watching a friend trial, or driving a dog to/from the shelter/vet hospital, etc. If I don't have one dog sitting on my lap, I have two. If I try to give them chewies to keep them calm for awhile, I end up playing playground police making sure that everyone stays happy with their own chewie. Everything, including my food, is covered in dog hair. My life doesn't feel like my own at times.

I need to feel like a person again. I need to pretend that my life revolves around me, and not the dogs. I need to find a hobby to keep my other hobby from taking over my life! I need a break from the constant go that is dogs. So, for a little while anyway, we are a "normal" dog family. The dogs are getting walks around the house instead of in the hills. They are getting cookies for "sitting" instead of "sit -down-stay-walk around". I'm trying to spend more time reading an actual book and less time reading dog blogs. It's tough, but I'm trying.

I know this won't last for long, as the dogs are already a bit antsy with this slower pace. And I'm sure I'll get bored quickly too. But we have no trials coming up any time soon, and if ever there was a good time to take a training break, now is the time. Since we aren't training as much, I'm blogging less and less. But hopefully I'll find more time to take pictures of the kids again and post those instead.

One Wild Ride

My life has always seemed to be one wild ride after another, but this week takes the cake. From birth to death and from marriage to divorce I've seen it all these past 7 days. There were some moments when I didn't think life could get any better, then others when I thought life couldn't get any worse. On top of all the craziness, I got sick. And not just a little sick, but really sick. The kind where you have to talk yourself into getting out of bed, and then find any reason you can to lie back down again.

And the dogs. . . where to begin with those little buggers???

For most of the week, I thought that I had the worlds best dogs. They were forced to stay by themselves for a few days and, can you believe this, nothing was destroyed??? Nothing was eaten, nothing (inappropriate) was peed on. I received no barking complaints from the neighbors. All signs points to good dogs. Then we had to go back to work. Wouldn't you know, barking, chewing, whining, etc. Bad dogs. Then my car broke down. . . and my dogs were amazing through out it all. Quietly sitting in the car until the battery guy came. Then quietly sitting for longer until the tow truck guy came. Then not freaking out as the car was loaded onto the tow truck. Then, and this is the best part, they sat perfectly contentedly on my lap during that crazy, long, traffic-y, bumpy, ride home. They were not just good dogs, they were great dogs.

Then the rain started. . . and I got sick. . . Not only did the dogs refuse to go potty outside in the rain, they also took up the entire bed and left me no where to sleep. Don't believe that three little dogs weighing less than 30 pounds total can take up an entire bed?



Everyone seems to have a spot except me. And here we are. . . back to having bad dogs again. But as the sickness got worse and I was forced to self-medicate, the dogs were once again, good dogs. They let me sleep and didn't ask to go out too often (thank doG for the rain) and didn't ask to eat too early in the morning. But this morning, I woke up to this:



yeah. . .my dog licked a hole in his arm. This is the first time in 7 years that he has done this. Anxiety has been an on-going issue throughout our lives together, but it seems to be getting worse and worse. My initial reaction was to get frustrated and call him a bad dog, but he is my baby, and I know that the only thing he ever wants in this world is to make me happy; hell, they all do. . .even pocket. So, despite everything they did or didn't do this week, I know that I really do have some very good dogs.

Rally Trial: Score 203

Its taken me a long time to get to this; partly because things have been so hectic and partly because it took me a long time to process all of it.

On paper, things look great. Abby got a score of 203 out of a possible 200 w/ 10 pt bonus. That is pretty amazing. Abby also tied for 4th place!!! We had a run off because you can't actually tie, and Abby ended up with 5th place. Not too shabby for our first trial - and we really haven't been doing this for very long. Abby did better then some of the pure bred, perfectly bred, bought dogs!

Right after the event, I was feeling really bad about the trial. I was thrilled with our score, but I was really upset because Abby wasn't her self. She was stressed out for so many reasons and I was angry at myself for putting her through it. I tried to get there late so that she didn't have to be crated for very long, but that didn't work out. We still got there too early so I drove around and found a park and took her for a long walk. But she still ended up being crated for longer than either of us wanted. Then, we ended up with a different judge then I had planned. The judge was still very nice, but she was different and Abby doesn't really like different. THEN, as we were walking in, the judge kept going on and on about Abby being an Iggy and how much she wanted an Iggy. So not only was there a strange person in the ring, but that strange person was talking to us. The run off was the hardest because it was the very last thing that happened and everyone was in the room with their dogs, watching, and waiting for the ribbons. It was very loud and very stressful. I felt like a lousy owner asking Abby to work with me in a situation that was obviously very difficult for her.

I felt like a bad parent for almost an entire week. Everyone told me that Abby did great, but I could see the stress. I kept beating myself up about it. I always said that we weren't doing this for the ribbons or the titles, that we were doing it for fun and it didn't matter what our score was. But seeing Abby stressed made me feel like we were doing this for the wrong reasons. And hearing everyone cheer about Abby's score only made me feel worse.

But a week after the trial, we had regular class, and Abby did great. Most of the people in our class are new to level 2 - and that makes us the "experienced" pair! Who would have thought! Abby showed off and strutted around. She went back to her old self. I started to feel better about the last week because it was obvious that there were no lingering effects. But then I started thinking about it in a whole new way, I started looking back on everything that we had gone through to get to the trial, and how I routinely put her in stressful situations to get there. And how that putting her in low-level stressful situations over a period of time has actually been beneficial in the long run because it has opened up her world. I can't imagine where Abby would be if I only kept her confined to her safe space. Sure she wouldn't ever have stress, but she wouldn't ever really have fun either. And Abby has a TON of FUN doing rally.

After thinking through all this, I took another look back at the trial. I realized exactly how well Abby really did. Sure she was stressed, everyone is stressed at a trial, but Abby continued to work with me the entire time. She never shut down, and she did everything I asked of her. I remember a time when Abby would shut down completely when stressed, and we are so far past that now. I started feeling better about my role in this whole thing too. I did ask her to work through her stress and through the trial, but when it came time for the run off, I pulled her (well, sort of). I asked her to try, but when it was obvious that she really didn't want to do it, I asked her to sit, gave her a bunch of cookies, and walked off. When push came to shove, I did what was right for my dog, regardless of the ribbon.

Working my dogs is a whole new experience for me. For years, I have only had PET dogs, and I have always treated them as pets. But asking my dogs to do something only because I ask them to is still a strange concept. Sure they have a ton of fun, but it's still a bit strange. I mean, who really needs to walk a figure 8 around a bunch of cones? I've gone through a lot of emotions through out the various stages of training, and I've questioned the why a lot as well. I want to make sure that I am doing this for the right reason, and that reason is Abby's over all happiness. I think I get it wrong sometimes. Sometimes I make poor training decisions, and sometimes I get frustrated; but I think that more often than not, we get it right. And Abby has come so far from that feral dog I took in. She is able to work in a stressful situation with strange people, strange dogs, and loud noises. And now that all is said and done, I am finally proud of the score that we got. Because it really isn't about the number at all, it's about the work that we have put in since day one - for over two and half years. And it's about the relationship that has been built through out that time. It's about the love that I have for Abby and the trust that she has in me and that together we can accomplish incredible things.

Foto Friday: Way To Go Abby!!!!

Are YOU Tough Enough?

I know I am!

I am not sure where I get these crazy ideas to do things, but somehow they find their way into my head. . . and I usually rope a few good friends into doing the crazy things with me. Luckily my friends love me and forgive me.



I heard about this Tough Mudder Event through Facebook. They tout themselves as the toughest one day endurance event on the planet. I am not sure that I completely believe that, but it was the toughest thing that I have ever done in one day. It's a series of obstacles strategically placed over a 7 mile *hilly* course. The obstacles ranged from running through mud to climbing a wall. Nothing sounded too hard, it all seemed doable, so why no do it? Well, I talked 5 friends into doing it with me. . . and at different points throughout the event, I thought for sure I would have 5 less friends before the day was over.

We rented a cabin and spent the night up there the night before. We were all really glad that we did that because none of us wanted to get up at 4am, drive 3 hours, do an event like this, and drive another 3 hours home! The really nice thing about the cabin is that we rented it for the weekend - none of us were planning on staying all weekend, but it was nice that we were able to come back after the event, shower, change our clothes, have a sandwich and a beer.

The event itself was a ton of fun - even if we didn't always look like we were having fun! The course itself started at 6,600 ft and WE climbed up to 8,500 ft - THREE times! Who climbs a mountain three times in ONE day? We do. On top of the mountain climbing, there were 19 obstacles that we had to complete. You need to take a look at the course map to see exactly what we were up against. The course map isn't exact as some of the obstacles were in a different order, and the photos in the map are not our photos, but photos of previous event. But the TM facebook page is updating the photos from our actual event regularly. I haven't seen myself in any of the photos yet, but I did the mandatory forehead marking so hopefully I will find myself in one eventually.

The Tough Mudder event was a TON of fun, but it was also tough. The strange thing about this event was that the obstacles themselves weren't that hard at all - they were pretty easy, and anyone that is relatively fit could do them all without too much effort. What was the toughest was the mountain climbing in the altitude. I haven't been more than a few hundred feet above sea level in years. And I don't think that I have done anything in altitude in at least a decade. The mountain climbing was rough, but the altitude was though and made it that much more difficult. It was next to impossible for me to breathe at times, and to continue climbing while not being able to breathe took some will power. But there were never any points when I thought I just can't do this anymore. It never became a mind over matter thing, and for that I was grateful. My body was always willing and able to continue.

Besides the altitude and the mountain climbing, some of the obstacles were climbing a wall - SIXTEEN times; carrying a block of wood for 1/2 a mile - or, if you were like E, you carried an entire tree; climbing the "Berlin wall" (different from the other wall we climbed sixteen times); crawling under barbed wire; crawling through a pipe; etc. All of these were fun and easy. The hardest obstacle of all was the water one. The water obstacle was at the top of the mountain and was carried out in the pond that they use to make snow in. Seriously. The water was freezing, and we knew it, but we did it anyway . . . twice. The first time going into the water, you shocked your system and it became difficult to breathe, but you still had to swim in it. You were allowed to get out, but then you had to get right back in again. That was tough. Knowing exactly how cold it was and how freezing you were going to be, but still going in, took some will power. I remember standing at the top of the slide (yes, you had to slide down the second time) and debating whether or not I wanted to complete this obstacle. Because not only did you have to slide into the freezing cold water again, but you had to walk through it - chest deep - around the raft (the raft that is there to pull you out in case you die half-way through). Of course I did it, how could I not? But there was a moment after when I thought I would never be warm again. I think a lot of people felt that way because I heard a lot of the guys talking about their. . . er. . .um. . . balls. I heard the funniest thing on the wall climb after the wood carrying, after the water: One guy said to another while climbing the wall "dude, I can see your nuts" the second guy said "good, because I can't feel them anymore and I wasn't sure they were still there."

Now that the event is over, and I survived, and was still able to get out of bed the next day, I am really glad that we did this. This is something that you have to do with a group of friends. And they can't be just any friends, they have to be the right mix of people. The cool thing about our group was that not everyone was friends with everyone else before we started. I knew everyone, but they didn’t all know each other. Luckily, I have awesome friends, and everyone got along great, and everyone helped each other out, and looked out for each other. And everyone became friends through this event. And we are already talking about NEXT year. . .

New Training Project

I have wanted a new portable dog water bottle for a long time. My old one is great, it's better than a lot of them on the market, but it's plastic and I don't trust plastic long term. I recently saw a super cool stainless steel water bottle for dogs. I loved the design and the durability of it, so I sent the info to a friend of mine who owns a holistic pet store to see what she thought. After a trip to a trade show, she brought this back:



It's not exactly the same thing, but it is pretty close - and I didn't have to pay shipping! The only draw back in this model is the licking-ball (I believe that's the technical term) that the dogs have to use to get the water out. For some, that wouldn't be a problem, but for my dogs, anything new has the potential to be a catastrophe. But because I already bought this, and because I love the idea so much, this wasn't allowed to become a catastrophe. I knew I had to come up with a creative way to get these kids to try this thing out. My great idea? PEANUT BUTTER!

Abby, being a little piggy, LOVED IT!



Mole liked the peanut butter, but wasn't too fond of the rolly-ball dishing out the peanut butter.



Pocket, hated it all. No surprise there.



This is going to be a bit of a project for awhile. I want to try the peanut butter for a few more days, then I will probably move to chicken stock, then eventually onto water. I want them to LOVE the thing before we try it on a walk. I don't want to risk my babies getting dehydrated because they are afraid of the ever-so-slight noise that the licky-ball makes when it is being turned over.

Wordlessly Wednesday : the rhemus monkey

Bath Time

I've been doing a lot of cleaning around here lately - even the dogs didn't escape!

Poor mole is such a great dog. He doesn't complain about the bath, but you can tell he hates it. Now that he is getting older - and brushing is becoming uncomfortable, we will probably rely more on baths to remove the hair.


Abby is very good about baths too. I think part of it is because she got them weekly when I first got her. She had this disgusting habit of licking herself all night - and she would need to be bathed to prevent bacterial infections. She doesn't do it so much anymore, so her baths are less frequent. The latelst bath news is that Abby has settled down enough to take baths by herself! She no longer needs to take showers with mommy!


One little lady escaped the whole bath scene. Can you guess who?


It's ok, though. For some reason, she doesn't get as stinky as the rest of the crew.

Good Trainer, Bad Trainer

Some days I feel like I am pretty good at training Abby, and some day I feel like I need need remedial lessons.

Lately, Abby has been doing awesome in class. She has a ton of energy and we both seem to be having a great time. This most recent class was one of the best we've had in a while. She was off leash almost the entire time (aside from the first exercise which was right next to the row of 11 seated students and dogs). Abby had an almost perfect rally run thru this past Friday too. She pranced and danced and was practically smiling through both runs. Her head was up, her tail was wagging, and she had a great heeling speed. She was flawless. It is at times like these that I feel like I have FINALLY figured out what Abby needs from me as her trainer. We have figured it out together and we are not only have a great time, but we are doing very well.

But then there are the other things. . . the things that make me feel like a bad trainer. I miss signs, I don't know my right from my left, I give Abby cues for other behaviors that she knows which goes completely against what I need her to do, I don't give her enough space when heeling through cones. There are just so many things I do wrong that I am amazed she is doing so well. To be fair to me, most of these mistakes aren't actually training mistakes - they are simple dumb human mistakes.

There are also other things, things I can't quite figure out what is going wrong. That not only makes me feel like a bad trainer, but it also makes me feel like a bad mom because I can't make everything simple and stress-free. The most recent training issue that we are facing is Abby's extreme distance in her heeling during run thrus. Abby stays as far to the side of me that she can possibly be without straining her leash. This is a behavior that we only see in run thrus. We just saw it on Friday, but there was no hint of it on Sunday - not even after I stepped on her toes! The first time I saw it, I attributed it to our higher stress level. But this most recent run thru was much more relaxed than our last one. I went into to not caring at all about our score - which is probably why I didn't pay any attention to the signs - or to my right and my left. I can't quite figure out why we have this very odd occurrence during run thrus; and if I don't know WHY it's happening, I can't fix it. And if I can't fix it, that makes me feel like a bad trainer/dog mom. I also talked to a friend, someone with years of experience on me, who had some interesting ideas about it. But even if she is right, there is still nothing that I can do about it.

I've been giving myself a hard time lately and have felt like I'm letting my team down. It's a far cry from last year when I had all these high hopes and a pretty good ability, but I didn't have a dog that could keep up. But rally is such a great, fun sport, and Abby really excels at it. She is now doing so well that my short comings are becoming more and more obvious. I try to tell myself that I am still pretty good a this - after all, I have been able to get Abby this far. And really, Abby doesn't care if I screw up - she doesn't know how many points we get at the end of the run - her cookie is just as big...

Family Photo

We just got back from a great vacation. We slept and walked, and slept and walked. It was the perfect vacation for a bunch of old geezers like us. As the kids are getting older, I'm trying to get a good family photo. It's much more difficult that one would think, but when you add a bunch of half-trained, treat-crazed, little dogs, and a kinda crappy camera, you get some very interesting shots.

Here are some of the out-takes:

yummy dead things on beach


welcome to the twilight zone

seriously?

Since that wasn't working, I thought that I'd do individual shots instead:

I hate that flash!!!!

alien dog!!!!

wait, that's not mole. . .


Well, this is the best I was able to manage this weekend:



It's not a great photo, but they are all looking at me and, if you really knew these guys, you can see each of their personalities in this photo.

I Totally Understand How She Feels

Run Thru Re-Do

Abby and I went to another Rally Run Thru this past Friday in preparation for our upcoming trial in October. We went to one last month too, and learned a lot, and it was important for me - training-wise to go to another one. Boy did I learn a TON!!!!

The run thru was set up a bit differently this time - level 1 ran first, and we were the first dog on the line. Abby spent a tiny bit of time in the crate while I helped set up, but there was a ton of commotion with everyone coming in and setting up. I was a bit worried about how she would handle all the craziness going on, but I think that she did ok considering that she was still willing to work with me after it all.

We didn't quite as well as last time. We NQ'd the first run - my fault completely, I skipped a sign.... Abby followed directions and we only got a 3 points off for tight leashes and we got a 6 out of 10 on the bonus. If I was a better handler and didn't miss the sign, we would have gotten a 203. Pretty good for us. But that run and that potential score didn't make me that happy because Abby looked miserable the entire time. I had to work really hard to keep her moving. I actually felt bad for her.

For the second run I decided that we were going to throw a party in the ring and the only sign I wanted to do right was the one I missed. It was an easy sign so I didn't have to put any pressure on either of us to actually do it right. Our score this time was a 195 and I was quite happy with it. Abby had a great time, her tail was wagging and we were having a ton of fun. I rewarded her by throwing the treats and that brought out her fun side and kept her wanting to work with me. It made me feel good that we could go out there, have fun, and still do well - even if we didn't get the best score. But a 195 is still quite good - even for us!

I learned a HUGE lesson this week, and it is one that I have always known, but one that was really obvious this time - Abby depends on my stability for her stability. I was really nervous on the first run and I know that it traveled down the leash because it showed in the way we worked together. Abby was at least arms distance from me the entire run. I'm sure she noticed my discomfort and wanted to give me plenty of space in case I had a break-down or something. The second run she was much closer to me, was having fun, but still kept some of her distance. At the time I thought that we just needed to work on tighter heeling . . . then we went to class on Sunday and we were back in perfect stride. We did some great on-leash and off-leash heeling AND we had a ton of fun. I have to find a way to keep my nerves in check so that it doesn't effect Abby's already fragile mind.

Back To Not Sleeping

I sleep terribly most nights - even when I am not having a bout of insomnia. I always assumed that it was the dogs. Ok, it usually IS the dogs... more specifically, it's Abby. I slept with Pocket and Mole just fine for 5 years before Abby came along. Once Abby came into the picture, the sleep has been a bit restless.

Abby is a great cuddler. She curls up right next to you and sleeps in the spoon position with her head on the pillow. She looks so peaceful in this position. The problem is that this is the only position she wants to sleep in. Sure she will sleep for a little bit with her feet stretched out and her nails in my back. But once she realizes where she is, it's a paw to the face until I get her back in her comfy spot.

This has been going on for years. I put up with it because I don't have much of a choice - I can't crate her after all. I was hoping that her deep love of the reading chair would give me some space and a chance to sleep... but alas, sleep still evades me. Or it did until last week.

Last week I was house sitting for my mom while she was on vacation. I had the choice to sleep on the couch or an air mattress. Pick your poison, right? I chose the air mattress because it had more room for everyone to fit...even though we all know that regardless of the space, the dogs always sleep on top of you. The air mattress was semi-comfy, despite the fact that you had to blow it up rock hard before bed, knowing it would loose half the air in the middle of the night. But for some reason, I slept better. I think that the dogs slept better too. I didn't wake up four or five times in the middle of the night rearranging everyone so that Abby could get comfy. In fact, there were some times that I didn't sleep with Abby at all. Seriously! She chose to sleep on the couch. OK, she didn't sleep out there all night long, but she still slept away from me for a while. I was proud of her independence and I was happy with my full 8 hours of sleep. I didn't wake up exhausted with dark circles under my eyes. I was really hoping that these sleeping arrangements would carry back over to our bed at home.

Unfortunately I was wrong. Last night was the same as the past 2 years. Tossing and turning. Moving smaller sleeping bodies so I had at least a sliver of bed to sleep on. It's exhausting not sleeping. And I am not sure that I can do this for the next 7 years - the estimated lifespan of Abby. But I also don't see what choice I have.

Wordless Wednesday: Cemetery Walk

Independant vs Bonded

A while back I wrote a post about Abby's training plan. It was well thought out and included lots of hikes and basic training. Things were going well for awhile and I wrote an update and added more phases to the training plan. Things aren't going so well anymore. . . and we are having to make adjustments to our training plan.

In some ways, Abby is doing great. She is more comfortable on our hikes and is willing to do a lot of obedience with me. She is doing well in class and I think that she will be ready to trial in Rally in another month. However, Abby is going backward with her separation issues. She has tried to escape from my office and has started screaming again when I leave her for "extended" periods (read: more than 2 hours). This is not a road that I want to go down again.

A part of me worries that I contributed to this recent increase in anxiety behavior. I routinely put her in stressful situations and ask her to look to me for support and guidance. We do this kind of training for many reasons, but the main reason is to help Abby keep her panic under control. And, in this case, the training is working. We often come across strange things on our outings and Abby has learned to stay near me and not to panic or try to flee. Today, for example, we literally ran into a horse. Both Abby and I were startled, but Abby did not panic and we were able to continue on our hike with no worries. However, my worry with this training is that Abby cannot handle stress when I am not there. I have worked so extensively on our bond to be able to do the kinds of things that we are doing, that I think I have really set her back on the independence work we have done.

So now our training plan is changing again. We are still going on hikes, and I am still planning on doing training with her on them, but I am going to ask her to do more distance work - more specifically, I am going to ask her to do more stays and am hopefully going to be able to get some distance stays with distraction. We have altered the way we work in class too. Abby is no longer allowed to sit in my lap during class. She is also required to stay tethered to the wall when I walk the course. She really hates that part, but I'm trying to teach her in a way that eases her anxiety about it rather than increases her anxiety about being away from me. I'm hoping that this works and that I will have a good report the next time I update her training plan.

Here is a just because picture I took of Abby on our hike today. Her lines are a little off because her hind end is uphill from her front end, but I still think that she is one of the prettiest dogs I've ever seen.

Seizure Detector

Sure, she looks all innocent and sweet, but this dog sure causes me a lot of trouble! One thing that we have to deal with is Abby's seizures. I noticed them around the time when she came back from her adventure; and although they can be frightening as a mom to watch, they don't generally bother Abby too much. Well, not until recently. . .

Abby's seizures are "under control" for the most part. I don't medicate her for them, but they are quite infrequent and only occur during really stressful periods. Because I put moderate levels of stress on Abby frequently, she seems to be able to tolerate more and more stress as time goes on. But I think that I pushed her past her breaking point this past weekend. Due to many events that I couldn't control and a few that I could, Abby was out and about for the entire day on Sunday. In the back of my mind I was thinking that she might have a seizure that night; but aside from the vomit that comes with it they aren't a problem for us, so I didn't really give it much thought.

Most of Sunday was spent driving around with few stops in between. Abby is an angel in the car - it's really the only place I don't have to worry about her. She lays down in the back and sleeps (proof in the above photo!) But this past Sunday, on the way to our last stop before going home, Abby tried desperately to get in the front seat with me. And, if you know Abby, you know how dangerous her paw can be, so rather than try to fight her off, I let her sit in my lap. Eventually I got to my last stop, moved Abby into the back seat, and got out. When I got back in the car two minutes later, Abby HAD to get back in my lap. Less than a minute after she was there, she started having a seizure.

Since Abby has never before - or since (yet...) - tried to crawl in my lap while driving it made me wonder if Abby knew that she was going to have a seizure and wanted to be comforted. There are some dogs that can detect human seizures, but I wonder if dogs can detect other dog's seizures???? And if they can detect dog seizures, what's not to say that they can detect their own???

Ok, I don't really think that Abby knew she was going to have a seizure, but she must have felt something strange otherwise she would have stayed sleeping in the back of the car like always. It's kind of weird to think about. . .

The Lone Wolf

Who would have thought that Abby would be a dog that could do things by herself. There was a time when I wasn't sure that I would ever be able to do something with Abby alone. When it became apparent that we could do things alone, I wondered if Abby would ever really enjoy doing things alone.

Abby and I do a lot of things alone now, and I think that we have a pretty good time together. But I always thought that she would rather have one - or both - of the other kids join us. Today I learned that isn't the case.

We went on another hike today with mole. I enjoy the hikes with mole - even if they are slow and we don't get any aerobic benefits from them. Mole sure has a great time. I thought that Abby would have fun sniffing and peeing alongside her brother. Abby had a miserable time the entire walk. Well, miserable is probably too strong a word, but terrible is probably accurate.

The whole walk, Abby spent at the end of her long line trying to pull me up the hill. When I didn't give in, she would run back to me, demand bark/whine and run up the hill again. It was obvious that she wanted to GO. She didn't want to sniff the flowers, she wanted to power up that hill the way we normally do. And she acted even stranger when I told her we had to turn around. She wasn't ready to quit!

I know that Abby doesn't understand that we can't do what we normally do when Mole is with us, but I thought that she would have so much fun playing alongside him that she wouldn't realize we weren't doing our normal thing. But I should have learned by now that Abby doesn't take change well; and it's easiest for her to stick to the normal routine. She has more fun doing what we normally do - regardless of what other fun things are present. Abby is actually ok doing things alone. . . well, alone as long as I'm there with her. . . we won't get into how she feels when she is really alone. . . that may never be ok. . .

Quality of Life

I think it's funny how reoccurring themes come up in our lives. . . or they may not be reoccurring, but come up all at once to teach us a particular lesson. Something that has come up for me recently is quality of life. It's a strange lesson to learn, but I've been faced with that notion repeatedly in the past few months.

First, Mole's back went out and I had to determine what was an appropriate level of exercise/fun. Then we had some very sick puppies come through and we had to decide if long-term high quality was worth the short-term low quality. Then I had a foster dog with sever medical issues. . . it was a constant question about what qualifies as quality? Then Abby's body started shutting down and I had to figure out the exercise/fun quotient for her. Then we had another sick puppy scenario. . . It's been almost constant recently.

Awhile ago, when mole was first diagnosed, we slowed down a bit, but I decided that his quality of life was more important and that we need to continue our normal hiking/exercise routine. Time wears on and he gets worse. I decide that he is too important to me and that I need more time and he stops going on hikes. Fast forward to when Abby was diagnosed and I have a completely different opinion - Abby still goes on hikes despite her issues.

It's funny how we can come to completely different solutions to the exact same problem. And it's not that I love Abby any less than mole - or that I value my time with mole more than I value my time with Abby. For Abby, I decided that she needed to have a high quality of life despite the obstacles that come our way because she had such a poor quality for such a long time. If, in the long run, it means that I have less time with her, then so be it. But I could not make that same decision for mole. I felt that even a lower quality mole life is way higher than a lot of dog's highest hoped for quality.

Just this week I was faced with an interesting decision - where to place my special needs foster puppy. The decision was a tough one. One of the people would cuddle him continuously and treat him like a precious little baby, and the other would let him romp and play and be a dog. Both clearly loved him and would care for his special needs, but which would be the best life for him? Where would he have the highest quality of life?

It was in making that decision that made me rethink my decision about mole. He LOVES to hike and play and be a dog. My keeping him confined kept him comfortable, but he sure wasn't as happy as he used to be. It showed in small ways, but it became more and more apparent. But making the decision to allow him this was tough. He hurts more often then not now, but we are able to manage the pain. But the fact that he does hurt makes it all the more difficult to allow him to do something that might make him hurt worse.

But seeing him age quicker and quicker makes me want to make the time he does have here with me as special and as fun as possible. Because of that, I have decided to take him hiking again. We aren't going to go as far as Abby and I go, and we are going to go on flatter trails, and we are going to go at his pace. . . but we are still going to go - at least once a week. We have already gone once, and seeing how happy he was made my resolve to continue to do this stronger. And he really didn't need any more pain meds than usual - at least not this time. I understand that might not always be the case, but how can you say no to this face

Rally Run Thru

Abby and I went to our first rally run thru last night. I was a bit nervous, but figured that it would be a really good learning experience for both of us.

The run thrus are set up like a rally trial, so I decided that we would pretend it was an actual trial. I got there early, set up her crate and left her in there for a bit. I checked in, walked the course (level 3 - not what we were actually running). I sat for a bit and watched some people. About 6 people in, I pulled Abby out, pottied her and did some warm up exercises. Abby knew that something was going on, but couldn't quite figure it out. We still had a ways to go before our turn, so I put her back in the crate and let her rest.

Before I knew it, it was time for me to walk our course. It was actually quite an easy course, and one that we would have done well off-leash on if we were in our level 2 class. We were the second ones up, so I only did one quick walk through and pulled Abby back out to potty and warm up. I was a bundle of nerves when it came time to actually do the course. Even though it didn't "count" for anything, this was our chance to see how we were doing, and what we needed to work on. It's one thing when you are in class, but this was almost like a graded exam!

Silly me, I had nothing to worry about. Abby has this shit down. We ran the course twice and got a 201 and a 196 (out of a possible 200 w/ a 10 pt bonus). We needed to work on tight leashes (my fault) and doing a sit from a down (I got dinged for having to give a second command). Abby did well and seemed quite happy the entire time. I am especially surprised that she did so well after having a long day at work - our first run wasn't until 8:40pm and our second was at 9pm. That is quite late for a doggie who has an early bed time.

Confession time: when I added up Abby's first score, I cried a little. I was so proud of her. I felt like we really accomplished something. We have worked so hard at so much and I think that this is something that we can actually excel in. My silly little iggy not only likes this stuff, but is actually getting good at it.

Training Update

I haven't written a whole lot lately about Abby's training mainly because we took a few weeks off. In the past year and a half we haven't taken much time off from training because there was always something going on. But now that we can't do agility, its easier to take time off between classes. I've still been hiking with her and doing small things here and there, but no actual training.

A few months ago, I put together a training plan for Abby that consisted of 3 phases. The first phase was to get her out in new environments. The second was to do very basic training in environments that she was comfortable in. The third phase. . . well, we didn't actually come up with a third phase because we were still trying to work on the first one. I think that I have an idea for phase 3 that consists of training in new environments. . . but we aren't there quite yet.

Today Abby and I started phase 2.1 of our training plan. I had no idea that there would be a 2.1 when I started, but I knew it today when I saw it. Abby and I went to our favorite hiking spot. We don't go there a whole lot because it is a bit further than our usual hiking spot - and way more remote. Abby likes the quiet of this place but I am always worried about mountain lions and psychopaths. In these hills Abby will totally settle and actually walk and mark and will just be a dog. I knew that this was the right place to do more intensive training with her.

I wanted to do some training before our hike because I figured that she would be less interested in getting back in the car - one of Abby's favorite things to do because she gets an "all done" cookie after class and hikes, etc. Abby did surprisingly well on the basics, so we worked on some distance stays, and some mom being weird stays. I was quite impressed with her willingness to work in this environment, and more impressed that she didn't completely freak out when a car a drove by. After the training we went for our usual hike (well, maybe a bit slower since I took an ass kicking class at the gym yesterday. . .) As we approached the car, I got this silly little idea in my head about doing some more training BEFORE getting into the car. I have no idea what devilish imp gave me that idea, but I decided to run with it. I was completely shocked when Abby actually responded to the training commands. She really wanted to get into the car, but she still worked some heeling and some stays - and a "distance" down ("" because I'm really only 2-3 feet in front of her at this point). I was really proud that she was able to control herself with something so tempting in front of her.

I'm still super bummed that we can't do agility. . . and even more bummed about it when she flies over the ONE jump we do in Rally 2 practice. I'm sad that her body gave out because I think that she would have continued to do well in the sport. But even though I am bummed about agility, I'm really glad that we still have something fun that we can do together. And it's nice that we can practice closer to home rather than drive 30-60 minutes for training.

New Phone

I had an iPhone for a few years, but it has been slowly dying lately. Earlier in the week it decided that it would no longer accept phone calls; but for some strange reason I was still able to talk using my blue-tooth... Strange, I know. . . it was becoming increasingly evident that I needed a new phone.

I have been thinking and debating about phones for a few months now, but this is a bad time of year for me at work, so making non-work related decisions is difficult. I had hoped to put the decision off until September or October, but having a working phone is sort-of essential. . .

After much thought I decided on the HTC EVO, for a variety of reasons that I will not go into. For the most part, I really like my new phone. I am happy with the service so far - Sprint -and really enjoy the lightning fast data access (I was stuck in the olden days with the Edge network). I really like the big screen, I like the camera, I like the radio feature, I like that my contacts are synced with FB and everyone has their own unique photos. There are a few things that I don't like, however, and I don't think that I will get used to 1) I can't access my mail folders - or at least I can't figure out how to access them 2) I can't seem to get my iTunes music transferred- even though I KNOW there is a way to do this. 3) I don't like the limited options on the calender for selecting repeated appointments 4) I don't like that it takes FOREVER to charge!

I have a full 30 days to try out this phone and service. I am almost 100% sure that I am going to stick with it. I can't quite say that I like it as much as my iPhone, but it is still new and we are still getting used to one another.

Ignorant Owners

No, this isn't a rant about how some ignorant owner wronged me or one of my dogs. This is about how sometimes I wish I was an ignorant owner. OK, not really, but sort of. . .

Sometimes I wish that I didn't have as much veterinary knowledge as I have. Aside from the time I would save cleaning ears, expressing anal glands, trimming nails, and looking at limping and lumps on friends pets; I would save my self a great deal of worry about my own pets.

My kids are getting old and I see all the symptoms - perhaps magnified because I know exactly what I'm looking for. While some people wake up one day and find that their 8 week old puppy is suddenly a 12 year old geriatric dog; I see all the small symptoms along the way. I notice that hesitating to get into and out of a car is a surefire sign of early arthritis. I see that "accident" as evidence of kidney disease or loss of bladder control. I see the slowing down on a walk as proof that we are having back problems.

While many owners would ignore these small symptoms - or not see them all together, I panic and rush my babies into the vet to figure out exactly what is going on. Because of my panic I learn things about my kids that other people might not know for years to come. And while I think that it often causes me unnecessary worry, I think that in some cases it prevents the problem from becoming irreversible. Learning Abby had kidney problems through a routine blood panel (after noticing more "accidents" ) I freaked out. Once I calmed down, I made a plan and with a slight change in diet, we remedied the problem. While I know that her kidneys aren't fixed, I know that we can manage the problem for longer than we would if I had just ignored it and let it get worse.

Recently, I have noticed that Mole's back isn't doing too well. . .again. Sure he is still getting around ok, but he is slightly off. I can see it when he walks and how he stretches and how he gets up from a nap. I know he is uncomfortable, but my stoic old man tries his best to hide it from me. We've tried muscle relaxants for a few days, but that hasn't seemed to help. We are going to try NSAIDs for a few days and hope that works. He isn't bad enough to put on steroids, but we might have to go back to the opiates.

Sometimes I wish that I didn't know as much as I did and then I wouldn't worry quite so much. But other times I'm thankful for my knowledge because I can pick and choose my medications more carefully rather than relying on a standard Rx from a vet. Then again, if I was an ignorant owner, I wouldn't know any better to begin with. . .

Abby's Last Fun Match

Who knew back in April that this would be Abby's last fun match. It makes me sad looking at this because I can see how truly happy she is. She is a bit distracted, but all her friends are hanging out just outside of the ring cheering her on. (who would've thought that Abby has FRIENDS!!!) Once I did get her focus back she RAN with her tail wagging the whole time.

Even though this video makes me sad, it still makes me happy because I can see that we went so far in such a short period of time. I mean, this was the dog that I had to teach how to jump - EVERY JUMP! Each obstacle was new, even if she had done it before, if it was in a new location, or even if it just looked different in any way, I had to start all over at the beginning. And this video, the first run of the day, shows exactly what dedication and determination can do.

You go, ABBY

We Don't Need No Stinking Titles

I read this earlier this week on a blog that I frequent regularly:

" What Is A Title Really?" by Sandy Mowery

Not just a brag, not just a stepping stone to a higher Title, not just an adjunct to competitive scores.

A Title is a tribute to the dog that bears it, a way to honor the dog, an ultimate memorial. It will remain in the record and in the memory for about as long as anything in this world can remain. Few humans will do as well or better in that regard. And though the dog himself doesn't know or care that his achievements have been noted, a Title says many things in the world of humans, where such things count.
A Title says your dog was intelligent, and adaptable, and good-natured. It says that your dog loved you enough to do the things that please you, however crazy they may have sometimes seemed. And a Title says that you loved your dog, that you loved to spend time with him because he was a good dog, and that you believed in him enough to give him yet another chance when he failed, and that in the end your faith was justified.
A Title proves that your dog inspired you to have the special relationship enjoyed by so few; that in a world of disposable creatures, this dog with a Title was greatly loved, and loved greatly in return. And when that dear short life is over, the Title remains as a memorial of the finest kind, the best you can give to a deserving friend, volumes of praise in one small set of initials before or after the name.

A Title is nothing less than love and respect, given and received permanently.

When I first read this I agreed completely. A title is a tribute to a dog and to the relationship that you have with that dog. It means that your dog was smart and adaptable and loved you enough to work for you. It means that you loved your dog and believed in your dog enough to spend the time and money it takes to earn titles. These are the reasons that I want titles for my dogs. And the drive for titles is why I am carefully thinking about my next dog.

But as I thought about this more, I realized that this isn't always true. There are many people who have titles on their dogs who do not necessarily do it because they love their dog. They do it because they love the titles and what having dogs with titles means for them as individuals. I think that this is a minority in the competitive dog world, but these people do exist.

I think that people like me, with dogs like Abby, is the other argument to this article. I spent a lot of time and a lot of money working with Abby in agility and we have no titles to show for it. I am spending even more time, and even more money with Abby in Rally, and we may never get a title there either. This doesn't mean that I don't love Abby enough, or that I don't believe in her enough. It also doesn't mean that Abby isn't smart enough or adaptable enough. And it sure as hell doesn't mean that I haven't worked with her enough to get those letters.

Even though I know that having titles doesn't matter and it doesn't prove my love or dedication to my dog, I still want them. I want them because of what it means to other people. A title will go into a record book, one that no one ever reads, but it will be there. And it will show that this Italian Greyhound called Abby did something special. Few people will ever know exactly how special it is or how much we worked through to earn those letters, but I will know. And while I am proud of Abby almost every day, a title will not only prove that Abby can do something special, it will prove that together, we can do something special.

Still Having Fun

I was feeling pretty low earlier this week, but an awesome Rally class was just what we needed to get back on track.

Abby did awesome in class today. She learned two new exercises and we got to practice something that we haven't worked on in MONTHS! She did pretty good on her heeling off leash again. We were the last ones to run and some of the other class mates had started packing up and making noise, and while Abby was spooked, she kept working. I am actually quite surprised that she does so well off leash in that environment. But she picks things up fast, and once she knows what I want from her, its game on! We also have a bunch of homework this week. Its a bit sad that I am so excited about homework, but we really needed something new to work on. Both Abby and I were getting bored. . .

I am going to try not to get too sad about agility. Abby still has so much potential and we still have so far that we can go. I actually think that she likes Rally better because she gets to work closer to me and gets rewarded more frequently. I am going to try to look at the positive side of this. . .and I'm going to look for another sport to try. . . there has got to be something fun for old dogs to do!

Looking Ahead

First let me say that I am not getting another dog any time soon. But that hasn't stopped me from thinking about one in the future.

I have never chosen a dog, well not for me anyway. I have chosen a lot of dogs for other people. . . but that is a very different thing. All of my dogs became my dogs for various reasons but none were for a specific purpose. My next dog will be for a specific purpose: agility, obedience, and. . .??? The possibilities are endless.

I thought that it would be easy to choose a dog, but there is a lot to think about and the first is breed. I know that I need a dog that is physically capable of handling the routine. I also need a dog that is going to be able to mentally handle my life - and by that I mean people, other dogs, cats, children, traveling, etc. I know that I don't want a dog with a lot of hair or one that is going to require grooming. Even with those specific requirements, there are still a lot of great breed prospects. And once I settle on a breed, I then have to decide if I want to rescue or purchase a puppy. There are benefits and drawbacks to both.

I am giving myself roughly two years to sort this all out. I figure it will take about that long to talk to enough people, meet enough dogs, and purchase a bigger car. Plus, it's going to take me at least that long to talk pocket into it.

Depression Sets In

I'm officially depressed. I was sad about no more agility before, but now I am officially depressed about it. I am strongly tempted to crawl in bed for the next 5 years. And the more I go about my life, the more depressed I get.

I don't think that normal people really understand how devastating this is. I have tried to explain it to some (ie: imagine if you couldn't play video games, or if you couldn't take pictures) This is my way to disconnect from my job and from other suppressors in my life. This is a way for me to bond with my dog and to have a great time. I read books, follow blogs, talk to trainers about agility. This isn't just a sport that I do with my dog, this is a whole sub-set of my social structure!

A friend asked me earlier how Abby was doing and I said that she is fine! SHE has no idea that there is anything wrong. She enjoys agility, but she has a pretty great life otherwise so I doubt that she will be heart-broken over it. I imagine that if I took her to an agility field and didn't let her do anything that she would get frustrated, but I don't think that she thinks about it regularly.

I know that Abby and I still have a lot of things that we can do together, and I am looking forward to all of that. But there was so much more that we could have accomplished in this area and I am sad that we will never get the chance. And I am sad that this part of my life is over for the time being. And I can see why some of these people have so many dogs - when there is always a dog ready to compete, you never have to give it up.

Despite my depression over it, I am still glad that we tried it. So many people told me that I wouldn't be able to do with Abby any of the things that we have done so far. But we did. And we didn't do it with a perfectly bred, perfectly socialized dog. We spent the time and did the work and got past so many fears and we did what so many normal dogs before us have done - we did agility.